


Diamond Paned Windows and Contracts

by daughterofawolf



Category: DC Cinematic Universe, Suicide Squad (2016)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Mystery, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-27
Updated: 2017-02-27
Packaged: 2018-09-27 07:21:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9982625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daughterofawolf/pseuds/daughterofawolf
Summary: ~Possible spoilers for the end of Suicide Squad 2016~Harley's break out from Belle Reve went surprisingly smoothly, but just what has The Joker got up his sleeve?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys, tohaveheristohavethetstars here.
> 
> Constructive criticism is welcome, but if you're rude your comment will be deleted and you will be blocked, just forewarning you. Please don't take this too seriously, I'm just a girl who fell in love with some characters who wouldn't let her go until she'd written about them.

As the team of figures all in black flew towards her iron-barred cage, Harley Quinn raised her arms protectively in front of her – her fight or flight response kicking in as she watched, half curious half fearful as the door to her cell was forcefully removed. She’d woken to a calm day of reading, coffee and boredom, sitting on her bed pretty as a picture and listless as a child after a sugar crash, reading to forget the pain she felt from losing the man she loved, when a cacophony of sound attacked her ears and she was flung into a scenario vaguely reminiscent of the old police films her father used to watch on the sofa, stuck in a cloud of cigarettes, alcohol and sweat.

The door to her cell fell open with a clunk and as one of the figures stepped forwards Harley took a step back. But then he removed his helmet and the blonde felt her body flood with relief and euphoria. The Joker stood in front of her. Her puddin’ was alive! Flinging herself towards him with an excited cry, she smiled her token sideways smile as she felt him relax his previously rigid body and utter the words she’d longed to hear ever since her first imprisonment in this hell hole

"Let’s go home.”

* * *

Driving in a sleek black vehicle that looked like it was stuck in the 1960s, once more dressed in her old clothing – her favourite ‘daddy’s lil monster’ top and colourful shorts, Harley took in a breath of clean, crisp air as it came in from the open window, listening to the general hubbub of the city as if it were a lullaby, and rested her head against J’s shoulder as they sat in the car. They’d taken a quick detour down an alley for her to dress in ‘real person clothes’ as Mistah J called them. Sure the blue of her eyes and dip dyed bunch worked well with the orange of the prison clothing – they were complimentary colours after all, but she could hardly stay in the appalling garment now she was out could she?

She tried to relax as they drove to an unknown location – “a surprise for my little She-devil” Joker had whispered to her lovingly after she’d asked where they were headed – and Harley tried her hardest not to wonder how they’d escaped so easily, but it seemed even puddin’ could hear the whirring of her befuddled mind and when asked what was wrong the girl bit her painted bottom lip nervously, not wanting to set him off, shifting a little on her heated leather seat before inquiring

“Puddin’, i’m sorry for askin’ but how’d we get outta that cesspit without anyone coming afta’ us? We weren’t exactly subtle...”

Harley momentarily felt J’s body stiffen, his grip on her waist tightening to a vice like hold, reminding her exactly what he was capable of as he took a drag on his cigarette before replying with a simple “It’ll make sense when we get to the surprise” and the passing of a glass of champagne.

* * *

After a trip of 15 more minutes the car pulled up at a stunning mansion house with diamond paned windows, a white exterior that shone so bright it was almost painful to look at in the glaring sunlight, and a garden that was more like a field, filled with marigolds, roses, violets and lavender. Harley reluctantly pulled away from her affectionate-peck-on-the-lips-turned-make-out-session with Mistah’ J and turned her head to see where they’d arrived. The building practically reeked of wealth and grandeur, and she heard J laugh that crazed hyena laugh of his as her jaw dropped, eyes widened like a cartoon character, and she let out an excited squeak.

J took her hand, holding it tightly as if he were afraid she’d vanish, and as they walked up the quaint cobblestone pathway Harley’s breath hitched in her throat.

“Are those _diamond_ eyes on the lion head knocker?” she asked in a hushed voice, beaming excitedly as J nodded, running a hand through that neon green hair and smirking at her.

* * *

Opening the front door Harley immediately stepped inside and began darting around the rooms like an excited child, stepping over the single patch of deep red staining without a second thought and taking it all in. Dusty pink curtains, silk sheets, a claw foot bath the size of a pool, a standard of B-E-T that even Croc would be envious of, marble worktops and multiple chaise lounges, even a gym with a built in spa room! Harley felt as though she’d died and gone to the, as Sheldon Cooper called it, “post-mortem neuron induced hallucination commonly mistaken as heaven.”

_Maybe you have? Or are you just dreaming again, silly girl...._

Hissed a voice inside her head as Harley drank in her surroundings. She felt her lower lip tremble as she listened, but decided to not let the stupid voices ruin her day and stretched her arms out either side, spinning around and giggling.

Clapping her hands giddily she turned to find J standing in the doorway of the Master Bedroom she found herself in, a tray that looked like it was made of real silver in his hands, an amused smile on his face as he looked at her, taking her in and feeling his stomach lurch as he remembered the time without her. Shaking his head of the intrusive thoughts he stepped towards her, setting the tray of wine, whisky and strawberries atop the oak table and catching the enthusiastic blonde in his arms as she flung herself at him and showered his face with the little kisses he pretended he disliked, running a hand over his fancy new suit.

“You get all dressed up for me?" she teased gently "Oh puddin’ I don’t ever wanna leave here. But who’s house is it? What’ll we do if they come back?”

J put a finger to her lips, gently shushing her and chuckling as she quieted and decided to lick his finger in a way that only the infamous Harley Quinn could make seductive.

“It’s all sorted, baby,” he began, eyes flashing oddly dreamily as he remembered his victim’s screams, “The owner of this place is in pieces... there’s pieces of him everywhere and it’s hard to tell exactly which bit is which,” Harley beamed as his lips twisted into that villainous smile he only got from blood-lust, and remembered how she’d shrugged off the suspicious lump in the grass out the back, and pretended not to notice the strange wad of rubber, almost the size of a man’s head, resting inside the oven as she’d inspected it's garnet encrusted handles and tuned back in as J continued “It’s safe to say he won’t be bothering us.”

“Well then Mistah’ J you sure know how to treat a lady,” she mused, accepting the crystal glass of bubbly and smiling as he wrapped an arm around her waist, tickling her stomach lightly, causing her to giggle as she asked “But you ever gonna tell me how you got me out?”  

“Oh Harley, I won’t tell you just like that,” J began in a voice of silk, “You know I prefer you to beg,” he giggled a little madly and sipped his whisky, “Go on. Pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty-“

“Please?” piped up Harley curiously.

Impressed, J drained the whisky from his glass, and a wicked smirk crept onto his face as he stated “You’ve twisted my arm, ok baby, daddy’ll explain how he pulled off one of his greatest schemes, all for his doll.”

* * *

If Harley needed any more convincing that ‘genius’ was too dumb a label for her man, how he got her out and home to him was the perfect way to do it. A contract had been signed between he and Waller. The Suicide Squad (the joker had cringed upon hearing what was now the name of the group his precious former psychiatrist had been dumped into – leave it to Deadshot to come up with a name like that) were going to become a permanent team, Waller had explained to him, J’s gun pointed worryingly close to her skull.

A group safe house (well... fancy bunch of prison cells with a kitchen, Wi-Fi and wet room thrown in) had been created for them on the outskirts of town, and the group were going to be used as the nation’s finest secret weapons, in order to get repeated numbers of years stripped from their sentences and to insure their country remained unharmed from anything and everything. A "win win situation" was how that imbecile Flagg had explained it to him.

J had agreed to the usage of Harley in the team, even joining it as an honorary member in order to start his plan to bring it down from within and ultimately corrupt the nation, but only if his terms were met.

The rules were as follows. Himself and Harley were never to be separated, wherever he went she went, and vice versa. They would also be allowed to marry if the mood took them, and she would come home to him instead of living in that ridiculous Big Brother-esque house. He’d ensured their future together, begrudgingly admitting to himself he couldn’t imagine life without his Queen, so he’d ensure that they did their job on the team, they were Waller’s only hope of a peaceful society, no one was as good as they were, Waller needed them so he’d take what he could from her and give her what she asked. For now. Why the dramatic rescue? He’d wanted to ensure the plan was followed through and he did love to put on a show.

After grandchildren had been threatened and a Lackey lost an ear, Waller had no choice but to agree. She’d find a loophole in this mad ‘mad love’ securing contract later, she was sure of it.

* * *

As his explanation came to a close, for the first time in her life, Harley Quinn was speechless. All that could be heard was the rain hammering against the windows and an old record being played somewhere in the building. For two seconds all was silent. Until ...

“You... you put somethin' about marriage in the contrac... are you sayin' that you wanna marry me Mistah’ J?” she asked, eyes wild with excitement but voice a whisper.

The Joker nodded as Harley straightened his tie. She was his in every other way, he might as well have a legal contract binding them, it was more insurance, more security, and... strangely exciting. As he slipped a diamond princess cut Tiffany’s ring onto her finger Harley beamed at him and kissed him, their kisses growing in passion as she began unbuttoning his shirt.

Well... they did have a lot of catching up to do.

**Author's Note:**

> The quote used to describe heaven is, as stated in the work, said by the character Sheldon Cooper in the TV show The Big Bang Theory and no credit is taken for it.


End file.
